Here lies the truth by IVPentothal

My wife Ether as she usually is, is very encouraging “Tut Tut
what nonsensical title is this?.Here lies the truth. It is an
 antithesis as your whole life has been so far. At least you
 should have consulted my mother who is an English teacher 
before this Hanumanic jump to this meaningless title. I can
 assure you of one thing no erudite lady will ever even glance 
at your article with a title like this. How can truth lie? How
 can a boy be a girl? How can a night be day? How can white be
 black? And remember it is the ladies who read such meaningless
 columns whatever the reason. So, the first thing to do is to
 retract.  Say I am extremely sorry to the readers .Tell them 
that your MIL who is an eminent English professor has made you
 see reason and told you to alter the header. How do I know what
 title to add now. Follow what Hemingway did choose your title 
from Bible or even your Bhagwad Gita. “ 
Whatever wavering I had experienced regarding
 the suitability or otherwise of the title disappeared once I 
was certain that my wife and esp my MIL thoroughly dispproved 
of the title. It must be really good to get such raving reviews.
 Now that part is settled to everyone’s satisfaction I must plan
 the content of my columns. Now you might say how can you call 
it settled when my bitterhalf  is quite bitter about it. I am 
one of those who leave avenues for my wife to carp about. Now
 she and her mother have a lifetime to talk about . If my column

turn out to be a failure as they expect, they could say we told
 you so. And contrary to all their expectations if  it succeeds
 they can say we were checking on your resolve and knew all the
 time that if we criticize you will adhere to the wonderful 
title suggested by my mother.
“And my mother says you should research before you put the pen 
to the paper. You should be very clear whether it is the apple 
or the cherry or the peach tree that Washington jr cut. So for 
once as a favour to you as this is your maiden attempt at 
writing my mother has agreed to let you know from her treasury
 of knowledge that it was the apple tree which was cut. This 
wasthe same tree from which the apple fell on his head and 
Washington discovered the law of gravity. 
Don’t please don’t ever think of contesing this , If my MIL 
says Washington discovered o r even invented Gravity, leave 
it at that. She will refuse to entertain any other notion or
 if she is in a condescending mood she might accept that
 someone with …… ton discovered G for all she cares.
Could be Newton, Washington or even Princeton – the latter, 
in fact  is a place in British Columbia, where a close bridge
 friend stays. I play a lot of internet bridge and have many 
international friends and have found the Canadians to be full
 of warmth and love when compared to others who are also 
friendly but a little arrogant. Please note the fact that most
 of these are ladies as ladies outnumber the gents among bridge
 players and playing regularly with them they become  your 
friends.